We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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