My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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