The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
