i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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