I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
