Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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