We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
