She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
