im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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