im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize