you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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