i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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