so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
worst night to have a conscience
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
