I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
