So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
