My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
