Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
