K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
