The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
