I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Bring me that man meat
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
