I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
