I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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