If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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