He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
