Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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