Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
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