Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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