Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Found your dick twin last night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
