And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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