Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
