You're completely useless in the revolution.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
