Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
