My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
did you just send me my own nude
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
