Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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