Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
