i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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