I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
