you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nicole vs. Life
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
