I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
