I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
