i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize