I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
