OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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