Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
