____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So much rum. So many feels.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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