I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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