I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize