Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
