I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You pole danced in your parka.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize