Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
