My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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