Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
