he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
