U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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