if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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