He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
