I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
