A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize