i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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