about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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