She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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