Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
