I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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