Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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