We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
