i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
