So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
