I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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