I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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