I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
