Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
