You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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